The Bagginses
Home of the Lord of the Rings Caption Page (est. July 2002)
The Remarkable Shire Blue continued....
Please excuse any, uh, strong language... it's in the Monty Python script...Page 1 can be found [here]
No, no... No, 'e's stunned!
Stunned?!?
Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Shire Blues stun easily, major.
Um... now look... now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That hobbit is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged meal.
Well, he's... he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Pinin' for the fjords?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
The Shire Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable hobbit, id'nit, squire? Lovely toe plumage!
Look, I took the liberty of examining that hobbit when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
*Pause*
...
Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that hobbit down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its feet, and voom! Feeweeweewee!
"Voom"? Mate, this hobbit wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
No no! 'E's pining!
'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This hobbit is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'E rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! He's f*ckin' snuffed it!
This is an ex-hobbit!!
*Pause*
Well, I'd better replace it, then.
*Takes a quick peek behind the counter.*
Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of hobbits.Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of hobbits.
I see. I see, I get the picture.
*Pause*
I've got a slug...
*Another pause*
Pray, does it talk?
Not really...
Well, it's hardly a bloody replacement, is it?
Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be...
...a lumberjack!