Smiling Frodo

The Bagginses

Home of the Lord of the Rings Caption Page (est. July 2002)

Teasers & Jokes

Why was Lord of the Rings made into a movie?
- The fans were Baggins for it.


Gollum's Movie Review

Master PJ did a good job, didn’t he?
No he did not, he trix us he did.
He isss so good, the elves in Helms Deep.
No he betray us, no elves in Helms Deep.
Go away, the Master will take care of ROTK.
He will trix us again, nasssty Master.
Noo, he won’t!
Yesss, he will!
Us don't like fat hobbits.
Yes, we do.
Us said he didn't follow Master Tolkien.
Fat hobbits not face nazgul.
Did it by the book, we say.
Not trix us, Gollum, Gollum.
He let us down, not go to Osgiliath.
Follow Master, we must.
Master PJ takes care of us.
We say good master.
Nooo, us be alone.
Us think it is wrong.
Tricksssy Tolkien.
Have own opinion, we say.
Gooo away!


Gifts for the TTT charactars:

Théoden - Loréal Anti-wrinkle cream
Frodo - Pink pills with a happy side effect
Sam - Stainless fryingpan with a 10-year guarantee
Merry and Pippin - Gilette Mach 3
Aragorn - A soap
Gimli - A box and a Legolas-bib
Wormtongue - A makeover
Èomer - a bigger helmet
Faramir - a new script
Legolas - a skateboard
Gandalf - Bleach. Since he dyed in Moria..
Saruman - a lifeboat and a west to go with it
Éowyn - Membership in Aragorns Fan Club
Treebeard - Deep moisturizing skin lotion
Sauron - A framed picture of the One Ring
Gollum - An Oscar for best actor


You know you're a hobbit when...

- You tell everyone your name followed by “son of”
- You eat a second breakfast every day
- You tell everyone Iraq is actually Mordor
- You drink way too much ale
- You start digging holes in the backyard
- You start talking to trees
- You tell everyone Lembas is the only food they need
- You start stealing from your neighbours garden
- You stop shaving your legs and feet
- You illegally grow pipeweed on your balcony
- You leave home without shoes


Uncle Bilbo's Rap

My name’z Bilbo Bagginz and I’m for hire
I’m the best damn burgla’ in the whole f***’n Shire
I got brains, I got moves, got a magic ring
Got a big damn dagger by the name of Sting
I jacked a cup from that lizard sucka Smaug
Found out ’bout his belly and got him shot like a dog
I ripped the Arkenstone right from under Thorin’s nose
I made a righteous rep, as even Gandalf knows
But my best damn score was in the Mountains of Mist
Played the Riddle Game with Gollum, and he got dissed
"What do I got in my pockets?" and the cat was beat
Grabbed the Ring, put it on, made a quick retreat
Now I live at home in a life of ease
The kids I thrill and the ladies I please
But there’s more to the story, as you’ll soon see
’Cuz this Ring’s makin’ holes in our security
The Elves and the Eye got a score to settle
Over this precious little piece o’ metal
So sit back, cuz, an’ you’ll see what I mean
It’s "Tha Lord o’ the Rings" by my man Tolkien


25 reasons to be a Hobbit

1- It's easier to find the really good mushies, cause you're so close to the ground.
2- No one bothers you with endless requests to change light bulbs.
3- No one can "drink you under the table", you're already there.
4- When you run you look like wabbling penguin.
5- You get to see many really cool belt buckles.
6- There’ll never be leftovers with a hobbit around.
7- You get presents for going to a birthday party.
8- The only race that can legally smoke weed.
9- You never get altitude sickness.
10- You never have to dust on top of your bookshelves. (-except when Gandalf comes over.)
11- When people gossip about you it just goes over your head.
12- When you drink beer, you get more for the same price than Big Folk.
13- Never ever have to wash your dirty feet.
14- You never get in any real fights cause it’s rude to hit back on someone smaller.
15- No matter how fat you become, you can still see your feet.
16- You are the star of the show when limbo dancing at parties.
17- You don’t have to learn to tie shoes.
18- When someone calls your house a hole, you say thank you.
19- No one’s gonna hit you below the belt.
20- You're at perfect level to get the first and most harmful hit on Big Folk
21- Most of your day revolves around eating, which is socially acceptable by all.
22- The rest of the day consists of napping which also is socailly acceptable by all.
23- If you get kicked, you area allowed to bite back.
24- when we trip, the fall to the ground is alot shorter!
25- Everyone just think you're so gosh darn cute!!


Hobbit Words and Names

: Big Folk - humans
Fair Folk - elves
Longbeards - dwarves
Alespot - someone beneath contempt
Coney - Rabbit
Cracked - crazy, not all there
Farthing - One of the four quartered territories of the Shire
Hobbit-sense - Good sense; not running around with weapons or off on adventures
Hythe - a place where small boats land and are tied up
Jools - Jewels
Double Dragon - A rare gold coin worth five florins and used exclusively in the Shire
Ducat - A silver coin worth a half-florin. Virtually obsolete
Mathom - A gift, normally given by the party-thrower to the guests of his own party (hobbits loved giving and receiving gifts)
The Outside - any territory outside the Shire/Buckland
Pipeless - worthless
Respectable - being rich and not having adventures or doing anything unexpected
Seedcakes - small moist cakes which complement any meal
Sheepheaded - not too bright
Smial - A hobbit home, implying multiple rooms; hole, burrow.
Tater - Potato
Thain - Head of the Took family, symbolic patriarch and figurehead of the Shire
Tweens - Irresponsible years of youth between 20 and coming of age at 33
Egg-spattered - clumsy, oafish
Marrow-Eater - one who lacks good taste
Moot - Meeting
Shady as a Miller - of questionable moral character
Snowed Food and Rained Drink - plenty was consumed
Sober as a Thain - utterly drunk
Strong as the Bullroarer - immensely strong
Colder than a Long Cleeve outhouse - painfully cold
Crazy as a Baggins - expression which sprouted due to Bilbo's exploits and Frodo's peculiarity; offensive to Bagginses
Crazy as a Bolger - insanity runs in that family
Believable as news from Bree - unbelievable
Good enough for the Mayor - term describing shoddy goods
Friday the First - A day that will never come
May the hair on your toes never fall out - Be well
Old as Gerontius - extremely old
One Mathom Short of a Pile - not completely sane or sensible
Elves and Dragons! - Nonsense!
By 'weed, wind and water! - exclamation of surprise


The Hobbit Song

(Sung to "The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers)

The wonderful thing about hobbits
Is hobbits are wonderful things
Their feets are made out of rubber
Their curls are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun fun fun fun FUN!
And the most wonderful thing about hobbits
Is we've the bestest one!

The wonderful thing about hobbits
Is hobbits are wonderful chaps
They're loaded with vim and with vigor
They love to leap in your laps
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy pouncy
Fun fun fun fun FUN!
But the most wonderful thing about hobbits
Is we've the bestest one.

Hobbits are wonderful fellahs.
Hobbits are awfully sweet.
Everyone elses is jealous,

And that's why I repeat...

The wonderful thing about hobbits
Is hobbits are wonderful things
Their feets are made out of rubber
Their curls are made out of springs
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncey
Fun fun fun fun FUN!
And the most wonderful thing about hobbits
Is we've the bestest one!



by Karalin

Spider-Sam, Spider-Sam
does whatever a hobbit can.
Pretty strong, small in size
serves his Master, good Samwise.
Look out! Here comes his frying pan!

In the chill of Night,
at the scene of the crime
with Eärendil's light,
he arrives just in time!

Spider-Sam, Spider-Sam,
friendly neiborhood Spider-Sam!
Works Bag End,
not ignored...
Frodo is, his reward!

To him, life is a great big bang-up!
He'll cook potatoes with some luck...
Here comes the Spider-Sam!