The Bagginses

Lord of the Rings Fanclub Caption Contest 2002

The picture:

The captions:

"Thank Arda they've finally left." - Baron of Bar Ereg (Brett)

"That Aragorn! He told me he'd be right back. What's taking him so long?" - Deagol's Bane (Aaron Sautter)

"If only this towers porch was a foot higher I could see if they still had that sale at Saks." - Arwen Bloom

Eowyn wondered whether or not she should put her washing out. - Meriadoc (Adam Archer)

"I go to all this trouble dressing up, making myself look pretty and theres no one here to see it, bah." - Mindless (Richard Lee)

Eowyn queries "Where did everyone go?" - Yu Kai-lin

Commentator: "And this is Eowyn from Rohan and she'll be attempting a VERY difficult triple back lurtz with pike." - Baron Wilderness - (Chris Burrows)

Dad: "Someday, lass, this will all be yours." Eowyn: "I want the horsey banner..." - William P Powers II

Lady Eowyn suddenly has a vision of standing on the front of a large ship. She sees herself standing with her arms wide next to a boy with blonde hair. - Took

"He's late again." - Diana Boneta

Eowyn: "Wow, what a pretty horsie on the flag!" Snickers guy: "Being a blonde in Middle Earth, another case of hunger. Snickers, don't let hunger happen to you!" - Frodosluver4ever

"Join the Shield Maidens of Rohan, they said....see the world, they said....sh'yeah right. Geez." - Samwise Arandel (Sarah Daniels)

"Oh, sure! Watch football all day, make a mess, and then leave me to clean it up!" - Paul Crawford

"I really wish Grima would grow up and stop trying to lift my dress with that fishing line!" - Garoc (Drew Kirk)

"Oh, sure, leave the girl at home while you all go rescue clueless hobbits, unite forces with walking trees, and chop off orc heads! You men always get to have all the fun!" - Pippinsm (Sharon)

"Phew, I despise being downwind from Isengard" - Jim Wimmer

"Hmmm...I wonder why my hair and skirt is streaming behind me when the wind is clearly blowing the flag in the other direction?" - Legolasgirl3 (Helen Chou)

"Eowyn- I should have worn my windresistant muu-muu." - Jessica Hatch

(singing) "Somewhere over the rainbow..." - Lightpoet (Darhyl Monington)

"Everyday...it's the same...I stand here, I wait...but still no magazine...." - Erhithiel (Julia A. Ballard)

"Tests for the new Rohan wind tunnel continue to progress well" - FAKoriginal

"Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, Where is my Hairbrush? Oh, where, oh where, oh where, no where! Where is my hairbrush!?" - Pippins Sunshine

If Itrip on this dress going down the stairs, I'll never live it down." - Donna Mair

"I knew I shouldn't have left that epoxy glue to dry here." - Susie Showers

"Hmmm. I think I over did the 'wind-swept Valkryrie look'" - Rallas Buttriss

"With the wind shifting towards the village, the towns people would soon discover that the fair maiden had recently consumed the foul Mexican Food of Mordor." - Gil-Galad (Casey)

::singing:: "Some day my prince will come .... Oh, screw it. If Aragorn doesn't come back soon, I'm sleeping with Wormtongue." - H. McDaniel

"Landscaping, what a novel idea!" - Kelsey Paige Chapman

"I think I'll go put another load of washing on... great day for drying!" - Ahriell (Arielle Schnepp)

"Why is my dress blowing in one direction and the flag in another?" - CedarRapidsBorn (Mary Keesling)

"Ooooooo that wizard! First my white robes and then my white horse!" - FredO (Fred Olaharski)

Eowyn, daughter of Theoden. This week on MTV's "Cribs". - Gregg Keefer

"Eowyn ponders the Riddle of the Divergent Winds." - Shalane

"The riders left Eowyn with great speed and awkward pity. It wasn't her fault, she thought. No one had told her she shouldn't wear white after Labor Day." - I Voted for Mayor Gamgee (Amy H. Sturgis)

"I am not dusting all this!" - cjdrougas

"If I find one more basket of severed hobbit feet on my porch...." - Ghostwood

"Now where did I park my car?" - Voontah

"Where now the horse and the rider? They had better get that pizza here in 30 minutes or less!" - Beth Stevens

"So where is he then? Hey, I've only been here a few minutes. Okay, so maybe nearly 60 of them. Does the dress look right? The dress looks fine. You look lovely. Yeah right that's why you're still stood here. I'm cold. No you're not, the breeze makes the most of your dress. So how come my dress and hair are flowing one way and the flag indicates an opposite wind direction?" And so the voices in Eowyn's head digressed as she continued to wait. - thegreenwood

"...Breathe, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... hommmm..." - Legolassie

"I wonder how many votes I've received for the Feminist Act of Southeast Middle Earth." - Michael & Jennifer Ronca

Eowyn waits patiently for arrival of her fan club magazine! - Sam Wood

(gasp) "I can't believe Galadriel and I wore the same dress!" - Rayvah (Ellen Wilburn)

Eowyn took a long slow breath before opening her arms and taking off. - Cadsuane (Diana Mead)

"If I told him once I told him 20 times, dinner is at 7:00 pm sharp." - Daniel Neff

And now, the Lady Eowyn will attempt a forward triple somersault with a half twist in the pike position while blindfolded - Mary Reed

"Hear ye, Hear ye! - Let the Games BEGIN" - Shelob (Elizabeth Conklin)

Eowyn had found that skirt-tethering was the best way to maintain attention whilst on watch. - Ellen Davnall

"The hills are aliiiiveeee... oops wrong movie." - FemaleFrodo (Karen)

"Why am I standing here? What with this wind its dowright freezing!" - MagicDreamer (Kara Haff)

"I'm QUEEEEN of the World'' - Sheltie41

"As I look unto this land, the pain is unbearable. My heart withers with sadness of the people. Only love and peace can heal this." - Erin McNeill

“Eomer, Eomer, Eomer! Why is it always Eomer who gets to ride with the handsome studs and I have to stay here in this silly dress!” - Kathleen Davis

"....unacustomed as I am to public speaking...." - jan-u-wine

"I wonder if he likes his fish smoked or fried." - Karlie Jackson

The captions:

"You promised us the Fan Club Store's website would be updated yesterday." - Baron of Bar Ereg (Brett)

"GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!" - Deagol's Bane (Aaron Sautter)

Announcement "The Prancing Pony is now giving away a free ritney Spears poster with the purchase of every 'Pippin' pint." - Arwen Bloom

"Peter Jackson tried to explain that the Academy hadn't given FOTR any oscars, but the cast just weren't having it." - Meriadoc (Adam Archer)

"Eng'a'land, Eng'a'land, Eng'a'land, la la, la la, were gonna score one more than you...ENGLAND!!!" - Mindless (Richard Lee)

When shown into the public bathes of Gondor, the Wild Men were heard to say, "Hell, no, we won't wash, we would rather leave this mosh." - Yu Kai-lin

And lo the public baths were finally opened. There was much rejoycing. - Baron Wilderness - (Chris Burrows)

Man #1: "These annual bath parties just tickle me to no end." / Man #2: "I REALLY like the rose-petals-in-the-water touch! Yee-ee-ee ha-a-a-a!" - William P Powers II

"Dinner time!" - Diana Boneta

Guy with blonde hair: "Christopher Lee what are you doing here?" Guy with Brown hair: "Bob how many times have I told you, I am his Evil Twin, yet when he went bad my job was taken so I had to switch to good!" - Frodosluver4ever

"I can't believe it! SIX MONTHS in line for Two Towers tickets and they're SOLD OUT?? That's it! Let's get 'em!!!" - Samwise Arandel (Sarah Daniels)

"U.S. soccer fans go wild after 2-0 victory over Mexico?" - Paul Crawford

"When Legolas agreed to sit in the charity kissing booth the response was amazing!" - Garoc (Drew Kirk)

This is what happens when you make LotR fans wait for more than a year between each installment: "Give us the movie! It should be ours! Our preciousssss!" - Pippinsm (Sharon)

"Let me get this straight.....you want us to fight the armored, battle hardened Uruk Hai with these sticks?" - Jim Wimmer

"Warrior: Does this expression make me look like an orc?" - Legolasgirl3 (Helen Chou)

"Oi! Where's the cream filling?" - Jessica Hatch

[as Beavis and Butthead] "Huh-huh, huh-huh. Killin' stuff is cool." - Lightpoet (Darhyl Monington)

Members react to the news that the next magazine is on its way! - Erhithiel (Julia A. Ballard)

What's in your wallet?! - Gregg Keefer

Congress fights new anti-razor legislation. - FAKoriginal

In best Mike Myers voice: "I'm an OGRE, you know grab your torch and pitchfork! That doesn't bother you?" / Donkey: Nope" - Pippins Sunshine

"We want our dental plan! We want our dental plan!" - Boriel (Donna Mair)

"That's it lads, EXHALE!! It'll knowck 'em out for sure." - Susie Showers

"What'd mean there's no sushi left in the hospitality tent!!" - Rallas Buttriss

"I can't believe that England lost. To Brazil. We want Beckam's head." - Gil-Galad (Casey)

Guy on the right with stick: "They said they'd let fan club members in early!! We've been waiting in line since August 1st!" / Little guy on left: "I haven't taken a bath in 4 friggin' months!" / Guy on right again: "Open those theatre doors now, or this stick is going up your arse!" - H. McDaniel

"You mean we didn't win the Emmy for Best Film!" - Kelsey Paige Chapman

After queueing for months to be the first to see TTT, LOTR fans are finally let into the cinemas. - Ahriell (Arielle Schnepp)

"It should ha' won BEST PICTURE! We're goin' after the Academy!" - CedarRapidsBorn (Mary Keesling)

"DEAD-MARSHmallow roast! Yaaayyy!" - FredO (Fred Olaharski)

"Wot? The second Fan magazine is lost in the mail, you say?!" - Shalane

"Given other events in Middle-earth, the Rohirrim Union's Strike for Expanded Dental Coverage could not have come at a more inopportune time." - I Voted for Mayor Gamgee (Amy H. Sturgis)

"Welcome to Blind Date!" - cjdrougas

"What's he mean shake our bums at them? What kinda battle tactic is that!?" - Ghostwood

"Yo, dude! These Gondorian mosh pits are trippin'!" - Beth Stevens The on set Tannoy announced the opening of the catering van. - thegreenwood

"Hey, do you have any idea of what we're supposed to be doing right now?" "Me? I thought you knew!" - Legolassie

"CHEESE!!!!" - Michael & Jennifer Ronca

"Burn the witch!" - Rayvah (Ellen Wilburn)

Man on far left looking at centre man: "He's going to be really peeved when he sees the photo!" - Cadsuane (Diana Mead)

"Hi Honey ! I ran into some old friends. Hope ya have some extra meatloaf." - Daniel Neff

What's in YOUR wallet? - Mary Reed

"Ok, Mister, No more PINTS for you!" - Shelob (Elizabeth Conklin)

The Aragorn battle-double contest had attracted a great many no-hopers. - Ellen Davnall

"Did he say even bigger bloodthirsty orcs are over that hill? I'm getting some!" "No, I'M getting some!" - FemaleFrodo (Karen)

"The theater was cold, you didn't turn all the lights off and the sound was horrible! We want a refund!!!" - MagicDreamer - Kara Haff

"We want CHICKEN, not ORC" - Sheltie41

"We will fight for our freedom, our lives, and our future!" - Erin McNeill

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU USED ALL THE SOAP!!!!!" - Laura Shelton

"A witch! A Witch! BURN HER!!!!!" - Gollum85 (Matt Guastavino)

“When do we eat?”- Kathleen Davis

"Sam's Pans....and be quick about it!!! Rosie is on the war-path....arrrrrr......" - jan-u-wine

"Did you see that! He must of forgotten to fasten that before leaving his tent!" - Karlie Jackson

The picture:

The captions:

"Alright, Alright, Calm Down! There's plenty of cookies for everyone." - Baron of Bar Ereg (Brett) - [email protected]

"Anyone up for a round of Polo?" - Deagol's Bane (Aaron Sautter)

"Congratulations to Gandalf for passing the Daz Doorstep challenge - his whites are certainly whiter than white!" - Took

United Colors of Gondor - Arwen Bloom

Saruman's men were not amused by the wizard's Elvis impersonations. - Meriadoc (Adam Archer)

"Our new washing powder makes clothes elvish clean and bright, capable of removing the most stubborn of blood stains, try it today" - Mindless (Richard Lee)

The Secret Diary of Shadowfax, Day 77 - "Ah, battle at last, and against such dark and smelly foes. My beautiful white coat will look simply smashing against all that dark armor, go me. This Gandalf is really getting on my nerves now, he insists on jumping right into the middle of the enemy, without any regard to the fact that they carry these large pikes, which could do some serious damage to my beautiful white coat. I think he just likes the feel of them grabbing his legs, what a pervy Orc fancier he's become lately." - Yu Kai-lin

Orc Number 23: "Yeah, ok, he looks good in white, but I still prefer his earlier stuff." - Baron Wilderness - (Chris Burrows)

Gandalf: "Alright, alright, I'll dance with each of you, but PLEASE one at a time!" - William P Powers II

"Take your filthy hands of my new white treads!"- Ring Bearer (Diana Boneta)

"Move it, keep movin'. C'mon, let's keep the road clear here!" - Pippins Sunshine

Gandalf: "Great. Because of that person that is hiding in that rock with a camera just took a picture of me, in this stupid white gown, there will be caption contests of me for years!" - Frodosluver4ever

"You...shall not...pass! Hey! I said-I said don't pass! Don't-hey, hey I'm the White here, do ya mind keeping the dirty rags away?!? I said DON'T PASS!!! Oh heck, never mind...." - Samwise Arandel (Sarah Daniels)

"I told you! Tide does get your whites whiter!" - Paul & Tara Crawford

Orc: "Wanna hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud pud....AAAAaaagggggghhhh!" - Jennie Rowland

Gandalf was really getting annoyed by being continually asked what detergent he used as it smelt of "Alpine meadows"! - Garoc (Drew Kirk)

"How many times to I have to tell you not to get into my clean laundry?! You ruined my gray outfit and now I have to wear this uncomfortably starched white one!" - Pippinsm (Sharon)

"Get back! You can not begin to comprehend the how hard it is to keep this outfit glowing white." - Irishangel

"What are you all staring at me for? I was told this would be a formal gathering." - Jim Wimmer

Gandalf: ::thinks:: I washed my outfit with extra bright whitening Cheer, borrowed some of Legolas’s hair bleach, and gave my horse an extra coat of glossy white paint… Please work. ::crosses fingers and speaks:: "Go blind all that come towards me with spears and swords! May your eyes disintigrate or fall out!" - LinneaBlue (Stephanie L. Windisch)

Gandalf flies into a rage as he realizes that the orcs have been climbing walls again. - Legolasgirl3 (Helen Chou)

"Abracadabra, goose and barrel! Turn these nitwitted orcs into my summer apparel!" - Jessica Hatch

"Wazzuuuuuuuup?" - Lightpoet (Darhyl Monington)

What happens when you announce that the next magazine will be late in person! - Erhithiel (Julia A. Ballard)

Gandalf's new magnetic washing powder works slightly too well! - FAKoriginal

"Should have left my glow in the dark robe at home." - Boriel (Donna Mair)

"It's Lovely Bubbley Tidey Whitey Bleach Powder, okay? No, I don't have free samples. Stop smelling me! Form a line or something..." - Susie Showers

"For the last time I WILL NOT tell you what stain remover I use!" - Rallas Buttriss

"And they thought the pre-opening lines for the Star Wars films was bad..." - Gil-Galad (Casey)

"I can't believe he wore white after Labor Day. Get him!!!" - H. McDaniel

"You mean we didn't win the Emmy for Best Film!" - Kelsey Paige Chapman

Gandalf thinks: "Someone should have told me about the dress code for this party" - Ahriell (Arielle Schnepp)

"If you get one spot of mud on this..." - CedarRapidsBorn (Mary Keesling)

"All I said was 'You might want to try washing those tunics once in awhile." - FredO (Fred Olaharski)

"I said NO BLEACH!!!" - Gregg Keefer

"There once was a wizard named Gandalf / Who carried a very large staff / He started out Grey but turned White so they say / Now the orcs fear him more than they would have" - Shalane

"Only those on the field that day fully appreciated how Gandalf the White's exuberant rendition of "We Are The Champions" stirred the hearts of Men and turned the tide of battle in the eleventh hour." - I Voted for Mayor Gamgee (Amy H. Sturgis)

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Tide country!" - cjdrougas

"Alright! Alright! I'll curb the stupid horse, yeesh." - Ghostwood

"I hope this bloody war doesn't last too long. I can only wear this outfit until Labor Day!" - Beth Stevens

"Back you filthy devils, I've only just collected my cloak from the launderette." - thegreenwood

"Ewww! All this filth is going to soil my immaculate robe... *grumbling* I knew white wasn't my colour!" - Legolassie

"Don't mess with my outfit, I just got it at the Gap... of Rohan!" - Michael & Jennifer Ronca

"Don't crowd, kids. Santa has enough gifts for all of you!" - Rayvah (Ellen Wilburn)

Gandalf found that his new washing powder, Attracto, had unforeseen results. - Cadsuane (Diana Mead)

"I'm not really sure how he died, something about dinner being cold or something." - Daniel Neff

Clorox Bleach. When grey just isn't enough! - Mary Reed

"Oh, Brothers, come on down, down to river to pray!" - Shelob (Elizabeth Conklin)

Gandalf felt sure his 'Khazad-Dum whitener' campaign would have an effect in time. - Ellen Davnall

"Uh... oh dear. I thought this was the WWALD - Wears White After Labor Day - support group. My bad. Let me.. just.. squeeze.. past you... sir.. and you can get back to whatever you were doing. Sorry about that." - FemaleFrodo (Karen)

"Oh gracious how can I keep my robes clean and get thru this dirty crowd at the same time? Get away from me. Help!" - MagicDreamer (Kara Haff)

"In the midst of darkness, when it feels like everyone has turned their backs on us, I will still fight. I do not worry- for I know that all will succomb to the glory of the ring bearer." - Erin McNeill

“If you guys get my new white outfit all dingy grey again, Peter Jackson said you have to do the laundry the next time!” - Kathleen Davis

"White, White, White is the color of our rainment......" - jan-u-wine

"These dratted robes! How can I hope to do any real damage with these confounded things!" - Karlie Jackson