Smiling Frodo

The Bagginses

Home of the Lord of the Rings Caption Page (est. July 2002)

One day, lad...

by Nyasa, Elijah's Grey Panthers

The following caption story is once again a slightly changed version of a scene in Monty Python's "Holy Grail". If you like Monty Python, you should like this, too.

FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours ...

PRINCE: What - the curtains?

FATHER: No! Not the curtains, lad ... All that ...
(indicates the vista from the window)

FATHER: ... all that you can see, stretched out over the hills and valleys ... as far as the eye can see and beyond ... that'll be your kingdom, lad.

PRINCE: But, Mother ...

FATHER: Father, lad.

PRINCE: But, Father, I don't really want any of that.

FATHER: Listen, lad, I built this kingdom up from nothing. All I had when I started was swamp ... other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same ... just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So I built a another one ... that sank into the swamp. I built another one ... That fell over and THEN sank into the swamp .... So I built another ... and that stayed up. ... And that's what your gonna get, lad: the most powerful kingdom in this island.

PRINCE: But I don't want any of that, I'd rather ...

FATHER: Rather what?

PRINCE: I'd rather ... just ... sing ...

FATHER: You're not going to do a song while I'm here!
Music stops.

FATHER: Listen, lad, in twenty minutes you're going to be married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.

PRINCE: I don't want land.

FATHER: Listen, Alice ...

PRINCE: Herbert.

FATHER: Herbert ... We built this castle on a bloody swamp, we need all the land we can get.

PRINCE: But I don't like her.

FATHER: Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful ... she's rich ... she's got huge ... tracts of land ...

PRINCE: I know ... but ... I want the girl that I marry to have ... a certain ... special ... something ...


FATHER: Cut that out!