Home of the Lord of the Rings Caption Page (est. July 2002)
And so it Came to be for It was Prophesied. A green Squirrel flew into the Village and in its Beak it carried an Orange Peel and on It was Written: "THIS BE THE PROPHECY OF GP. THE HOLY THREE (AND THE OTHER ONE) SHALL DESCEND UPON EARTH AND THE ONE PROTECTOR SHALL FOLLOW THEM. AND THE HOLY THREE AND THE OTHER ONE AND THE ONE PROTECTOR SHALL RULE THIS EARTH WITH THEIR HOLY GOSPELS AND KEEP ITS PEOPLE INSANE FOR EVERMORE" And it Said no more and the Villagers were Puzzled. Then a Man stepped forward and Spoke: "I have an Itch in my left Ear" and the Villagers Rejoiced and were Puzzled no More."
DIMONIC, ELIAJH AND BLILY formed the Holy Three. ELIAJH was unofficial head as he arrived first from the mists. BLILY was the Peacekeeper . DIMONIC was the Usurper . And so the Mighty Three formed the Band of Strangeness and Brotherhood and the people rejoiced. And the HOly Three said unto their worshippers: "You must worship and remember Us by eathing chocolate and brownies and being generally sillying our most kewl names. And the people said "sure". (by Celebalqua)
And following the Holy Three came SAEN, the Great one of Obsessive Compulsive Safety . The townspeople looked upon him and said "Lo! and behold, it is Another One. At which the Great SAEN replied: "This town is unsafe and needs to be modified",at which there was much incredulation. (by ArtemisArcheress)
Following the Holy Three (and their protector) came ORLANOD, the God of Fashion and Fangirls . The townspeople were overhwelmed by his clothing. The fashionably adrift townspeople came to the Great Orlanod and asked him for the One Fashion Advice. And the One Orlanod looked upon them and said, "polka dots and stripes doth go together and bandanas are the height of fashion." And there was much rejoicing, and much bad fashion. And then the One Fashion Police came unto them and set all aright once more. But that is for another story...
After seeing the Great Orlanod in all his fashion senseless, the townspeople's daughters fainted and became fangirls. The townspeople's sons were jealous and hit him with spam. (Artemis Archeress)
The townspeople thus turned from the great gods ELIAJH, BLILY, and DIMONIC and in great surprise noticed a robed one standing in the corner. Thus they asked the robed *pronounced rob-ed, like in all epics* what his name chanced to be, and he proclaimed, or rather muttered, I am VIOGG, God of all Lurkdom and Lurkers thereof . And the people smiled and were welcoming and the Great God VIOGG shrunk further into the shadows, and those who were shrunk in the shadows gave much rejoicing and thanks as he recounted to them the wonders of bathing not, shaving not *be they man or woman*, and sleeping in the stables at whiles, while those who lurked not turned back to DIMONIC, BLILY and the Almighty ELIAJH and rejoiced oncemore in their radiance. (Elanor)
Here follows the Gospel of ADNY, Lord of Lycra and Patron Saint of Crowd Control, as told to Eddie McFarlane by the Archangel PJ in the year of Our Lord, 2004.
When the Holy Three had arrived upon the Earth with The Other One and other minor deities, the villagers did rejoice heartily. But LaWiseWoman looked down upon those she had sent and saw that all was not good, for though the villagers laughed and made merry, the deities were distraught.
"I beseech thee, my children," spake the Great One, "What doth make thine bright days seem so dark?"
And the deities did kneel in reverence upon hearing the voice of LaWiseWoman.
Eliajh, chosen leader and ambassabor of the Holy Ones, arose and spake unto her, saying thusly: "My Lady, the Evil Lord Morgoth hath loosed an unholy legion upon the Earth, and they have been named Nazgirls, for their hearts are black and their heads empty. They respect us not, as the villagers do, and they admire us not as the fangirls do. We can no longer rejoice in the celebrations of the good people, for these creatures seek us out always, and will not let us be!"
And LaWiseWoman, hearkening to this sad tale, became heartbroken, and she did weep. And as she wept, the rain poured down upon the villagers, making the oceans swell and the villagers very damp, for her sadness was great indeed.
But all was to be well again, for as the tides of the oceans did rise and overflow unto the land, there emerged from the waves a deity, long forgotten but very powerful. LaWiseWoman looked down upon him, shining her bright countenance upon his face, and said, "All shalt call him ADNY, Lord of Lycra and Patron Saint of Crowd Control, for he is mighty."
As ADNY came forth from the waters, he was espied by the Evil Horde called Nazgirls, and they were sore afraid. But one, fearless and insolent, did speak, saying, "Be thou gone, rogue! Thou be not Man nor Elf nor Hobbit! We do seek Eliajh and the Holy Ones, that we may, like, drool upon their shoes as we propose marriage to each one. They are ours, our own, our preciouses...Move, for thou standest in our path!"
But ADNY did not move. He feared them not, for his wrath was mighty because they recognized him not as a deity. For he had worked his many miracles under the guise of a misshapen creature, formed by pixels and light, while the others descended to earth in beautiful, angellic forms. He wished to smite the Nagirls mightily for their arrogance and disrepect for all things Holy, but he did not, for an even greater plot began to grow and take shape in his mind.
"Come!" he beckoned. "I will lead you to them, that you may have your way with them!" And the Nagirls became excited, and they did follow ADNY. He led them into the depths of the ocean from whence he had come, but they followed him still, as all were too busy arguing over who would be the first to kiss Orlanod the Fair to notice the danger into which they headed. They knew not where they went, and they pursued ADNY deeper into the ocean until the waters engulfed them, and they met their demise under the rolling waves.
Upon seeing this, LaWiseWoman, Eliajh, and the Holy Ones did rejoice at their good fortune and the keen mind of ADNY the Great. Rewarding him for his bravery and cunning, she did invite the Saint to leave his watery home and forevermore live among the clouds with Her Holiness.
The villagers continued to rejoice. And with much singing and dancing and eating of brownies, they honored the deity whos purpose it was to protect those they worshipped from the Evils of the Enemy.
Amen. - by Eddie McFarlane
And so it came about that there were many Holy Ones. And Blily the Peacekeeper chose upon himself to call Council for All to seek a better Pecking Order. Yet He knew that for Himself he could not lead so he brought forth Another into the Light to lead the Council. And when The Great Blily mounted the summit of the Coucil Meeting he said unto his fellow Gods in a slow suspenseful voice "...I...have brought forth...." And the other Gods were as agog as two gogs as they waited.."...I have brought forth RONDEL! And He shall preside over us and maketh sureth we do not killeth ourselves."
And Rondel said unto the Gods. "Good Morning Mr. ELIAJH." and he drew up an order form from the air...and all the Gods oohed. And then with his mighty powers he filled it out for a round table and the Gods were shocked when it arrived unharmed on time. And they said among themselves "He must be of great power to use it such". And they cowered behind their snack plates of spam for they were sore afraid.
Rondel looked upon them and said "Doom is upon you if you do not bind thyselves together and do everything I say. And I say unto you...if your lasting lineage is to survive you must follow my 11 Commandments. Got it punks?" (-Celebalqua, avatar by haleycopter)
And he laid upon the round table the 11 Commandments and they were such...
1. Thou shalt not kill another God. Maiming counts as killing as it is a hinderment to our consumption of divine brownies.
2. Thou shalt not hit on my daughter, Demi Goddess of of Pouty Lips and Disobeying Ones Fathers.
3. Thou shalt not steal my food.
4. Thou shalt write on paper and not orange peels from henceforth.
5. If thou must show bad fashion thou must keep it minimal.
6. Thou shalt not hit on my daughter Vil.
7. Thou MUST shower.
8. Thou shall not use spam as a projectile object.
9. Thou must not ever become serious.
10. Thou shalt always be devoid of the basic rules of spelling.
11. Thou shalt unber NO circumstances consider thyself good enough to hit on my daughter Vil.
If thee do not follow these to the tee I shalt raiseth my eyebrow and freak you outeth. And if thy heart is not pure in followingth these commandmentsth you shalt have impending Doom forever! Doom Doom DOOM DOOMY DOOM DOOMY DOOM DOOM!!!!
And the Gods were very worried and Vil was very mad alsoeth. (- Celebalqua)
The townspeople came to Rondel and said: We must have a City Meeting, would you please chair it for us? And the God Rondel said unto them: Yes, it is your doom that you should have me do this thing. DOOM I SAY! And the townspeople were confused and began bickering amongst one another about the problems of the town and Rondel proclaimed unto them DOOM doomy doom doom. And the people stopped bickering and looked at him in stunned silence. And Rondel smiled and said, "Has anyone seen my daughter....or the Ranger" and the people looked in vain for the one called Viogg, for he was in the shadows lurking therein. (-Elanor)
And so the townspeople went on their merry ways. They tried at best to avoid breaking any of the rules, but some were difficult not to break and some of the townsfolk felt the wrath of the raised eyebrows of Rondel!
In order to guide the townsfolk against this disobedience, another Holy One was sent down to them! He was Ina, 'God of Wisdom and Favourite Grandfather-ness'! The townsfolk hearkened to his words, when he said:
"You lots! What art thou doing, thinking you can breaketh any of the eleven commandments!"
And the townspeople cowered at his wrath, but Ina felt pity and said:
"Fear not! I am here but to guide you. Follow my wise words and thou shalt be saved from any more raised eyebrows!"
And the people were glad, and followed Ina, and sat on his knee, for he was also God of Favourite Grandfather-ness. (Sapphire 15)
And the villagers looked on higheth and saweth a manth on a horseth...and by that time their tongues were really tired of "eths". As he rodeth down the hill on his horse the villagers were surprised to see his hair under his helmet getting smushed...and they whispered among themselves. And the tall figure lept off his horse and gave it horsey kisses and the villagers were shocked...all except the Fangirls in Training who thought it was awesome. And then he removed his helmet and the Gys of Orlanod were awestruck for they had never seen such hair of such bad fashion. And they spoke among themsleves and said "Who is this stranger who achieves so much with his hair yet chaps his Holy lips with Horsey kisses." And he spoke unto them "I am KLAR! And I am the Pioneer of Helmet Hair and the Patron God of all those who love horsey kisses!" And as he spoke thus all the Fangirls swooned. (- Celebalqua)
And so amongst the many manly men of the Gods came a lone woman..well there was Vil but she doesnt count on a large scale. And so when Marinda went to the villagers they looked upon her and said "Are you the new delivery girl?". And she glowed red and spake thus: "I am Marinda the Wearer of many frocks and THE WHACKER OF MACHOISTS!" and the men all ran off and the women were happy and sat around trading quilt patterns till the sun went down and Marinda said "Oh well. Time to change my frock." (- Celebalqua)
And lo! The Gods of Insanity came down from onhigh and said into a bunch of random travelers "YOU SHALL BE OUR ALMIGHTY WORSHIPPERS! THE EVERLASTING GY. WE APPOINT THIS HOLY DUTY UNTO THEE BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH OUR TIME AND WE ARE RUNNING OUT OF BROWNIES."
And then the Mighty Ones signed out and the Gy looked at each other in wonderment. "Who are we to lead the people?" they said unto one another. "We can barely make brownies much less help the almighty ELIAJH when he locks himself out of his cloud." And so they appointed the Keeper of the Keyes. And they formed her in there own likeness and bestowed upon her the gift of randomness and strangeness of thought patterns. And they said unto her "Well skiddot and getmoving Keeper." And so she left to help ELIAJH into his cloud and remind Dim of his curfew.
The Gy formed a brotherhood of mystery deceit and utter randomness sayings and they invited many Newbies in amidst their ranks until their little cloud was overflowing. Then they moved into a huge mansion (in the immortal words of Asteal "shut up its a story".
Who do you call when you are out of luck?
And you are all out of brownies and pipeweed?
And who do you call when you have a worm for a guide?
And no one to oogle your eyes?
You bow down and call upon the great ELIAJH and he will say unto you..
Who the hey are you?