Home of the Lord of the Rings Caption Page (est. July 2002)
Elijah Wood (EW): Need help keeping wig in place.
Answer:slaps wig and tells it where it's place is.
EW: Keep tripping over my feet.
Answer: Ordered Craft Services to remove brownies from lunch table
Sean Astin (SA):Sword grip keeps slipping
Answer:Slaps some duct tape on it~that always seems to work.
EW (to wardrobe dept.): Pocket needs to be larger in Hobbit costume to accomodate The One Phone in addition to The One Ring.
Answer: Overworked wardrobe dept. suggests to Mr. Wood where he can stick his one phone.
Orlando: Requesting day off to go nude bungie jumping.
Answer: Request intercepted by several key female crew members and enthusiastically approved on one condition: the Hobbits get to go too. Transportation will be provided
Dom: Would like a trustworthy member of the crew to help ASAP in getting tongue and nose unstuck from sword~confidentiality is a must and please, no questions.
Answer: Request granted and Mr. M is aided and assisted by plaidpjs of the Grey Panthers, a service for which he is eternally grateful.
Billy: Request issued for larger sized hobbit feet due to "foot envy" of the other hobbits.
Answer: Reguest denied.The other hobbits envy him for a bigger sword and do not complain.
Viggo: Reguest to be able to take a shower or at least wash hair.
Answer:We thought he'd never ask! Strawberry bubble bath should be delivered to Viggo's trailer by the end of the day.
Sean Astin: Trousers are getting a bit tight.
Wardrobe: "Wil replace with fabric that does not shrink when wet.
JRD: The "Gimli" beard itches so...Can anything be done about it?
No personal scratchers funded for this shoot -- you must scratch yourself (note: beard is working).
EW: I keep tripping over these feet; don't understand why mine must be bigger than the other hobbits'. Requesting smaller feet.
Request denied. Prosthetic dept. says if the shoe fits, wear it!
Sir Ian (to whomever took the triangle-shaped rock for his pointy hat): Please return it immediately. It's precious to me.
Prop Dept: You've GOT to be kidding....
P.J.: There seems to be an intermittent vibrating noise on the set during filming. Can't figure it out..must be the equipment. Please check circuits etc. before next shoot.
Answer: tells crew to turn off vibrator option on phone during filming. just turn the darn thing off.
viggo: liv has nacho breath during kiss scene.
Memo to: "King of Men" - suck it up and deal!
ew: Mysterious basket has been delivered to trailer. What should I do?
call security and let them open it, then have a look yourself
Billy: what about second breakfast?????
Stage hands throw 2 apples, 2 bananas, and 2 bagels with packages of cream cheese onto the set (with cameras rolling). PJ slightly upset at the disruption, but decides to keep the humorous first part of the disruption and cuts the rest.
OB: Legolas outfits missing for next shoot -- replaced by string bikini!
Response from Make-up Dept.: Suggest Peter do the scene with Viggo, and let CG dept. sort it out later.
EW: My feet keep falling off.
It's not our fault you have sweaty feet. No worries..we have several volunteers standing by to apply absorbing powder to your feet. When they are done with you (heh), we'll re-glue them on.
IM: My long hair keeps falling in my face, and it's not as manageable as Christopher Lee's. Can I have a braid?
request denied - wizards don't wear braids! just put your hat on!
OB: I can't see with those blue contacts... would someone guide me?
Note form New Line: Gimli is licensed as a "seeing eye dwarf" seek his assistance
EW: Everytime I draw Sting from it's sheath, I cut my finger. I'm rumming out of band-aids
just keep your fingers away from the blade, and there won't be a problem
LT: Those elf-ears drive me nuts!!! can't we do it without them?
Ms. Tyler would do well to consider that it might not be wise for her to ask about things we could do without in this film...Her ears might not be the only thing to go...
SA: I can't understand a word Billy Boyd says. And I have a suspicion that he's going commando under that kilt.
Production therapist recommends that Mr. Astin stop obsessing over Mr. Boyd and focus on his own character development.
IM: Legs are getting tired hiking up this (*$*_)$ mountain 5 times a $#*($) day!
Prop department suggests IM try wearing roller blades under his robes.
JRD: Voices suspicions about what the hobbits are smoking their pipes during scenes.
Thats nothing. It is those brownies Mr.Wood got in that mysterious basket. They are very good.You should try them sometimes.
CB: Request for pointier ears. You know the only reason why I am here is because of those pointy elf ears. I want those ears pointier you understand. I am the lady of Lothlorien so do as I tell you or I will leave.
Pardon, Miss B, but any pointier, and you run the risk of skewering me in the "kissing of the hobbit head" scene. (by TYSK, the imaginary Elijah of the board)
EW: Can't find feet!
OB: The braids tickle my ears.. any remedy?
Are you sure it's the braids? Production assistants have reported Hobbits sneaking up and licking your ears when you aren't looking. Are considering remedy for this instead...
HW: Messers Wood and Monaghan have twice now relieved themselves in the Rivendell waterfall. Could PJ perhaps sit them down for a chat?
Memo to EW and DM from PJ: Guys, stop whizzin in the waterfall and on NZ monuments. The suits are flippin me sh**. Grow up for f*#$*s sake!
Sean Astin's daughter has developed a crush on Mr. Wood.
Answer: Tell her to get in line!
SA: Um...I know I'm not supposed to be concentrating on Billy, but...he smells like Haggis and it's v. distracting.
Answer: Suggesting strawberry bubble bath to Mr. Boyd. 2 bottles of strawberry flavoured soap is being sent asap.
EW: Those Orks are just too real-like. They give me nightmares. Request to Make-Up Dpt. to please change their looks.
Answer:request denied - you're acting will be better this way and much more realistic. psychological help can be offered, though
BB: What am I supposed to do with those strawberry soaps? is this new equipment to the costume?
Answer: An assistant will meet you in your trailer shortly to fully instruct you in it's proper usage
EW: Request to prop department; I seem to have, ummm.. errr...ahhh...."misplaced" Sting, request replacement.
Answer: Request denied. Ork-weaponry is too time-consuming. Be more careful. Get surgery. / Memo from P. Jackson to EW: Seems Sting has been misplaced a lot lately. Suggest it "show up" before the next shoot.
JRD Is there any way we can re-write the scenes so that Cate B can kiss my head too?
Answer: Extra security ordered for Ms. Blanchett.
CB: I think Mr. Wood has a crush on me. It is very distracting as I am a married woman
*scribble on piece of paper of cast department* - Enjoy the rare feeling of HIM having a crush on YOU. It makes the chemistry on screen more believable anyway. Don't moan.
EW: SB keeps looking at me with a menacing grin. He may take his part too seriously.
From: Production Psychologist
To: Mr. Sean Bean
Please stop by my office after shooting this afternoon to discuss "boundaries."
Hobbits have decided that Enya is just not right for closing credits. Beatles tune would be much better. We have worked up a little number (I'm the lead singer!) Request 10 minutes after shooting for "audition."
Answer: PJ: Just because you rocked at the karaoke bar in Wellington last night doesn't mean you can lead a band. Haven't you sobered up yet?
EW: Can we do something about the urine smell coming from the hobbit feet?
PJ: YEAH. Stop whizzing in the waterfalls! For now, live with it. We've got 6 more hours of shooting to go before you can take off those feet.
DM: Can I keep this carrot as a souvenir?
No chance Mr. Monaghan - this is property of New Line Cinema. I dare to say that you're able to buy your own carrot with your money.
CB: I ask for a daily delivery of lembas to my trailer - just to get the right elf-feeling...
Overworked lotr-bakery and kitchen flatly deny request. Buy some rusk.
CL: Request to have a DVD/video player installed in my trailer. Need to see "Dracula" movies to get Saruman right.
Request denied as Saruman is NOT Dracula, besides, one should guess you've played this 'person' often enough....
LT: would like to keep Arwen's pendant as it's so beautiful.
Memo from New Line: Pendant can be purchased from wardrobe, or find a "Skymall" catalog..
EW: If Liv can keep the jewelry, does that mean I get to keep the sword?
PJ: Sorry, Elijah. The Wellington Museum of Arts has already requested the donation of Sting as a permanent display in the LOTR props department. Considering what happened with the fountain...well, I thought it'd be a nice gesture to the people of NZ. Besides, you already have The One Ring. Now if only I could locate Sting....it seems to be missing.
OB: Viggo keeps taunting me with jeers of "elf boy" and "pointy ears", and it's throwing off my concentration. Can someone make him stop, please?
Central Supply: Next time he does that, hand him a bottle of shampoo. He's probably a bit envious that your hail is always clean..
IM I keep tripping over the hem of Gandalf's costume. What can be done about this?
Prop Department: Costume too expensive to alter. 5-inch disco heels sent over to wardrobe. Don't worry - the makeup girls got them dirty out at a club, so they'll match.
DM: People keep confusing me with Billy! It's giving me confidence problems.
Sign Dept has come through. Pick up in the am.
EW: The CD player broke in my trailer! I'm going nuts without music!
Supplies suggests signing onto CDnow.com, maybe you can figure out how the heck to download music because I sure as hell can't.
VM: Requests extra crazy glue to repair my tooth that was knocked out during the battle scenes.
Requested granted; however, please be careful or you'll glue your lips shut. You'll then have to eat out of a feeding tube. Please also sign the attached bodily harm waiver.....
EW: Who stole my brownies?!
PJ to EW: Your brownies were confiscated. If you can't bring enough for everybody, don't bring them at all. Didn't you learn that in school? (Did you *go* to school, Mr. child star?)
CB: The young men have taken to using a word that sounds quite vulgar. It starts with a C, but I can't make out the rest (who can understand a word Billy Boyd says, anyway?) Should I be offended, appalled, or amused?
Language Coach Dept.... We have been made aware of the situation. Suggest ignoring it for the present. They're having problems getting the pronunciation of the vowel "u" so if this helps, it can only enhance the film.
Regarding EW's education level, suggest speaking to him personally about that.
VM I need more time for fishing.. is there a possibility for a holiday here?
Request granted to Dear Mr. Mortensen. Fishing pole? CHECK Bait? CHECK Waders? CHECK Picnic lunch? CHECK Several female crew members sheepishly hiding behind bushes checking him out while he fishes? CHECK
DM: Requests super glue also. Just fell down large cliff and cracked favorite carrot.
Management: Sorry, request denied. Superglue is expensive. Have sent over Carrot Chia Pet instead. You'll have a new carrot within a week.
EW: Getting extrememly chilly filming mountain scenes.
Staff counselor: Close your eyes and think *Rio*.
HW: "DOOommm" "dOOOOmmm" "doooOOOMM" "dooOOmmm"
"Welcome to brownies, Frudo Boggits"
PJ: Request a physician in here stat!
HW Elijah's been doing that a lot. Keeps showing up as different people.. Now a doctor. What next?!?
To: Principle cast
Note changes in shooting schedule. Nothing to worry about. Hugo seems to be, uh, exhausted. Yeah, that's it.
Also, anyone else seen munching brownies on set will be severely reprimanded.
EW: Scraped my back falling off washing machine. No brownies were involved, I promise. Just whiskey.
Answer: Reminds EW that whisky and washing machines don't mix. Calls for first aid.
BB: Going to a Scottish festival in NZ. Needs favorite kilt flown in from home ASAP.
New girl in the mail room accidentally lost your kilt. Will a leather mini do?
OB: My mohawk is growing out. Need stylist immediately.
Answer: Hands Mr. Bloom a razor, smiles and walks away.
EW: Okay who switched the ear glue with superglue?!
Answer: VM:*uncontrolled giggling and snorting*
DM: Why is everyone looking at ME?
VM: *Rolling on the floor*
Makeup dept: Suggests Mr. Wood stands in the pouring rain till the ears melt. Then he can remove glue residue with tweezers. Very funny, Mr. Mortensen. Please note we will not be issuing you anymore tubes of superglue.
Ringwraith #3: Hobbit actors keep taking turns playing a game of "find the hobbit" by hiding underneath my robes, and it's making me laugh hysterically. I'm supposed to be scary
Answer: Hobbits deny all knowledge. Suggest you resume taking your Prozac and discontinue brownie consumption.
EW: I lost my blanket. Can't sleep without it!
Answer: Minor stampede in the production office of interns volunteering to be your "blanket." If that doesn't interest you, try a nip of whiskey in hot water.
DM - Um, has anybody seen my blow-up doll?
Answer: Sorry Mr. Monaghan but we found this in your mailbox...(hands over picture of blow up doll duct-taped to a chair and a ransom note)
VM: need to see allergist...breaking out in hives everytime I do scene with that Agent er I mean Hugh Weaving.
EW: Having problems getting here at 5:30 am. May I borrow the rubber Frodo doll so I can use the carpool lane?
Props Dept.: Uh.. Ms. Blanchett has that item checked out.
EW: All right... who took the blanket!
Props dept: Believe Elves are using it for picnic in Mirkwood...will return clean!
BB: Scarf causing nasty rash - any chance of replacing with silk?
Answer by EW: You get me Sting...I'll get you the scarf
EW: Someone keeps getting into the brownies in the make-up trailer. It's hard enough doing this stuff at 5 in the morning...
Answer: Hmmmm...checked security cameras. Suggests to EW to contact Dr. Spitfire regarding sleepwalking habit.
DM: Aieeeeee! There's a great big spider in my trailer!
prop department to DM: that's just to get you used to the insects we'll use in the movie
PJ: someone stole my t-shirt with the printing 'day 35 of shooting' on it... please return!!!
Answer: Shirt has been sold on Ebay to fan site fanatic for $25, 000. It was Elwood's idea. He needed a new car.
EW: Request computer and internet connection in trailer as I must stay in touch with a certain message board.
PJ: Request accepted - good idea to keep brownie supply line open..wouldn't want the cast to have withdrawl symptoms and get grouchy!!!!!!!
OB: need extension to trailer for jacuzzi.....elf skin must be kept well soaked and sweet unlike certain smelly humans!!!!!
EW:You can use mine, it's free 4-7:30 am Tuesdays and Sundays.
CB: Oh dear, my wig got caught in the garbage disposal in the snack trailer. Are there any others available?
Make up department to CB: just cut it, the hair is too long anyway
VM: I've run out of hairoil for this greasy look, would you please send me some more?
Prop department: Has been ordered but it will take some days. Please use the kitchen's olive oil in the meantime
EW: Access to the kitchen required to try out a recipe from a certain message board, as the mail doesn't get here on time and my stock has disappeared.
Answer:Craft Services: Access granted, however you must provide enough brownies for EVERYONE...
EW: In regards to above message, request plane ticket to visit friends to cop....err...obtain enough secret ingredient to accommodate earlier request.
From: Production Attorney
To: Mr. Wood
After reviewing your contract, we have decided we cannot purchase plane tickets for you to procure certain ingredients. Clause 10.B clearly states that you are not allowed to put yourself at risk - either of bodily harm or of incarceration. Should you be apprehended by the the authorities while procuring said ingredients, it would jeopardize the shooting schedule, not to mention your image as a squeaky clean young man. Also, said ingredients cannot be good for your physical or mental health. We are sorry and hope you will accept our decision
From: Billy Boyd
To: Props and Building Department
If anyone is free this weekend, could I have some assistance building a table with sunlamps in the basement of my house? I plan to teach Elijah a little bit of horticulture.
EW: I found this on the Hobbiton set. Can I keep it?