Smiling Frodo

The Bagginses

Home of the Lord of the Rings Caption Page (est. July 2002)

Phone Messages

by FrodoBaggins

Saturday, July 27th, 1:49 pm
*You have reached the office of Martha Ruiz. Please leave your name, time of day, telephone number, and a brief message and I will respond at my earliest convenience*......BEEP
"uh, yeah, Martha. This is Peter, Peter Jackson. We cannot seem to find Sting, um, Elijah's sword. He had it at his house in Wellington, but when my assistant checked, it was nowhere to be found. You wouldn't happen to know where it is, would you? This is important. Please call ASAP. Thanks. By the way, it was nice seing you when you were here last week."

Saturday, July 27th, 3:22 pm
> *Heh! Lij. here! I'll call you back as soon as I can. Leave a number!*.....BEEEP
"Mr. Wood. It's Ms. Ruiz. I need to know about the contents of that package I brought back from New Zealand. Please call as soon as you get this message. Thank you."

Saturday, July 27th, 4:47 pm
*You have reached the office of Martha Ruiz. Please leave your name, time of day, telephone number, and a brief message and I will respond at my earliest convenience*......BEEP
"Oh man! Martha. It's Elijah. uh uh... the package? From New Zealand? I'll call tomorrow - no. uh, uh, Monday. I'll call Monday. Oh man....."

*** *ring.....ring.....ring.....*
"Sean. Hi it's me."
"Geez, man, it's 4 am"
"I need a big favor. Can you go to New Zealand for me?"
"What!? Are you nuts? Where are you. Have you been drinking? Is the car all right?"
"No! Everything's fine, well, not really. Look, I need to find someone to take something to Zealand for me."
"I need someone to go to New Zealand for me!"
"Come on, Elijah, why not go yourself?"
"I CAN'T. I have to get ready for some convention in the east. Besides, I'm a little scared to go."
"Scared? You? What gives?"
"uh... you know Sting?"
"Yeah. Like his music. You're waking me up at 4 in the morning to talk about music? Dude.. you really do need to get a life."
"Not the singer, Sean, the sword!"
"The sword? the one you've been all but drooling over since you saw it? (Yawn) What about it?"
"Martha brought it back from Wellington. It's here, and now Peter called asking where it is. Martha called. I'm in it deep"
"And you want me to take it back to New Zealand? Casually walk into the prop room and announce, 'oh..look what I found'?" You're making this up aren't you. Are you sure you haven't been parting a bit too much?"
"Will you do it for me?"
"Lij, I think you're a cool dude, and I like you a lot, but I've got to say no on this one. Sorry. Did you call Dom?"
"Call me when you get back. Night." *click*

*ring ring......ring ring.......ring ring........ring ring........ring ring......ring ring......ri....*
"Hey, Dom. you busy?"
"Eli, is that you?"
"Yes. What are you doing?"
"You don't really want to know, son."
"Can you leave for a few days?"
"What did you do now?"
"I need to find someone who will go to New Zealand for me?"
"Wait! No! - Yes! - No! I..."
"Astin wasn't kidding! Hey guys! Elwood scarfed Sting! HA HA HA HA HA"
"Dom, listen..."
"I can't beLIEVE it! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ohhhhh ha ha he he he...*click*

"Billy!... Hey. It's me"
"No, whoo is this parson on th' phoon buggin' me durin' me dinner? Heh heh, Lijaboy!"
"Whew. Hi. yeah, it's me."
"Air ya still in LA no?"
How'd you guess. Look. I need a really big favor."
"An em listenin. Hold it - let me grab ma tea. Ok. Go."
"Can you take a few days, stop by here, pick up something and take it to New Zealand?"
"Ooooh, boyo.. That's a tall task. What's the need?"
"No, this wouldn't be aboot ol' Sting, no would it?"
"Now how did you know?"
"Oh, laddie, 'tis all over the press, you know"
"Nooo. Em joost kiddin'. But I canna take it fer ye. Middle of filmin' ya see."
"Oh, yeah...well, thanks anyway."
"Did ye try ol' Seanboy?"
"Yeah. And Dom. I'll see if Viggo can help me out here."
"Oooh a right fancy idea, that."
"See ya. Good luck with the movie."

"Viggo, It's Elijah. Man, don't say no til you hear my question!"
"Elijah.. Woah..buddy.. what's going on. You sound frantic."
"Yeah! I need to get something back to New Zealand and I can't find anyone to give me a hand!"
"Hey.. slow down.. focus..."
"No.. wait a minute. Center.. there.."
"OK. I'm focused. Centered. Calm. Whatever..."
"Now tell me what you're talking about."
"I thought we were finished with all the filming that included the sword."
"What sword? Sting?"
"Yeah. I thought we were done, so I wrapped it up and when Martha went to check on things and bring some stuff of mine back, she brought the sword."
"She got you sword through the airport security?"
Yeah, well, I didn't know Peter would miss it."
"Peter knows it's missing? Have you spoken to him?"
"Yeah he knows! and no, I haven't called him. He'd kill me for sure."
"Oh, I don't think so, Lij. He's a pretty reasonable guy."
"Yeah, I guess, but after the whole cell phone thing, man, I don't dare get in his face about this."
"So what can I do?"
"Oh, I was hoping you would ask that! I really need someone who can take a day or two, fly to Zealand, and put the sword back for me."
"Why don't you just do it?"
"People think I'm nuts already. Lookit. Can you do this for me? I've got some great music you can borrow for the flight."
"Lij, Compadre, I would, but I can't right now. I have a poetry reading and book signing scheduled for five days in the bay area. I can't miss those"
"Really, dude. I'd like to help, but it's not in the plan right now."
"That's ok. Didn't hurt to ask."
"Felling better? more centered?"
"What, are you nuts?"
"See ya"

ring.... ring...... ring......
*click* Looks like I'm missing your call! "Cause I am not home! Press: call my agent. Agent: page me. Film offers: mail to me in care of my agent. Monique:...never mind. Elijah: No, sorry dude. Everybody else: check my website, Leave a message....BEEEP
"You heard?"